Negative 26 Bottles of….Mom!

     *Warning this post is not about weight loss and does contain some abrasive language.

     Some people are afraid of spiders, some people are afraid of snakes, I am deathly afraid of bridges.  Put me on a bridge that goes into an underwater tunnel and it isn’t a pretty site.  Have you ever had a panic attack while driving?

     Our drive to New York had me going over several bridges, my plan of action is to drive in a center lane. That way the water isn’t usually in my view.  Deep breathing and just focusing on the car in front of me, can usually keep me from panicking.  At dinner I told my husband that I was proud of myself for making it over the bridges while driving (we were both driving our own cars).  He asked if I knew about the bridge coming up.  That should have been my first warning.  Damn him!  I am pretty sure he just wanted to experience this bridge, which is why we didn’t go through DC.

     Not to much later I found myself at a toll booth, ahead of my husband.  Actually, he was behind me because the silly man went to an e-pass lane and had to back up.  The sign said bridge tunnel $12!  Seriously, they made me pay to face a huge fear.  With shaky hands I gave the toll man my money and asked how bad the bridge was, as well as if I could pull aside and wait for my husband.  Apparently he got the feeling that I was not okay with this.  He even asked my husband if I was okay to drive.  Guess I don’t hide panic very well.


     Not seeing water is very difficult on this bridge.  All I knew was that having a full on panic attack was not an option.  If at all possible I wanted to avoid scarring two of my children for life.  So, what is a mom forced to face her fear do?  She starts to sing a song to distract her brain.  We started with, “If you are happy and you know it,” however, I was stumped as how to stomp my feet and drive at the same time.  Thus that lasted only two verses.  Then it clicked, what is one song that can keep going on and on, one that would be easy for the kids to pick up on and sing with instead of pointing out to sea?  99 bottles of beer on the wall!  Yes, that was what we needed.  Zack questioned my choice in songs as he didn’t think a seven year old should sing about beer.  My little copilot, Felicia, quickly hushed him and said just sing really loud.

     Facing a fear is not easy.  I thought that going in the tunnel would be easier on me.  Um no!  Knowing that I was now under the water that the bridge was over made me want to panic even more.  I am pretty sure that sh!t and f&^% came out of my mouth.  Followed quickly by a deep breath and on to the next slow round of our song.  Slow because I needed to keep breathing or we might have to stop and get someone else to drive us.  Hell, I would probably have needed to be sedated if it was light out.  We reached negative 26 bottles of beer on the wall by the time we were on land.

     It took amount for me to realize that we were on solid land, a good hour before my heart stopped feeling as though it would jump out of my chest.  Felicia thought that “handing out” all that beer is exhausting and vowed not to be a bartender.  Zachary thanked God that we made it out alive (I am pretty sure he lost all confidence that I could drive over a bridge).  Once my thoughts were in order, all I could think was my ass of a husband made me pay $12 to almost have a panic attack and scare the crap out of our kids.

     He is afraid of snakes, does anyone have some I can borrow?

*The pictures are two views of the bridge tunnel.  It is a series of three bridges and two tunnel that span 23 miles. Just looking at those pictures makes my heart race. Seriously, who has some snakes I can put in my husband’s car?

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11 Responses to Negative 26 Bottles of….Mom!

  1. Wendy says:

    OMG OMG OMG I woudl have freaked out too- and I woudl have sang, too, LOUD LOUD LOUD but prob a Glee Cd. I think I can find you a few snakes.. might be worth a few $ to go to the pet store for a gardener snake or two. I think they're about $12!

  2. MNMSpecial says:

    I didn't think I would be in full out tears reading your post, but I am bawling because you had to experience that. I'm not a fan of driving or traffic, let alone driving obstacles. Hugs! Hope you can dig some sort of snake pit like that MTV show Viva La Bam.

  3. Shannon Sander says:

    Thanks ladies :) Megan I didn't mean to make you cry. I was a mess in the car, nothing like your hands being stuck at 10 and 2.

    I may have to try a pet store and ask their return policy.

  4. Lindsay says:

    I'm not even scared of bridges and that bridge freaks me out! I'm glad you made it!

  5. Sarah M says:

    Wow! That bridge is crazy!! I remember when we got to the beginning of the Florida Keys to visit my husband's grandfather there was a sign before the bridge that said something along the lines of "Drive Safely, this many fatalities this year" Thank God I was not driving!!!

  6. Lena & Alex says:

    OMG – this is quite an experience. I am happy you completed your drive successfully – no bridges for you for a month (or something like that)

  7. Shelley says:

    I am HUGGING the crap outta you… seriously faced fears this weekend so I know what you are going through… HUGS HUGS HUGS…

    Oh – and if you DO torment your hubby with snakes, can you warn me if pics are posted… cuz that's a fear I'm totally NOT ready to face just yet…

  8. Amber says:

    Just looking at those pictures, I become tight in the chest and nervous. I, too, have a bridge fear. I dont even like to go over short ones, like between Illinois and KY or Illinois and Indiana. I like to pick the middle lane. I have gotten a little better since my hubby does try to scare me by shaking back and forth in the car and such as I drive over them, but the one in that picture..oh my goodness…I am still nervous just picturing it. Kudos for you to be a good sport and face it! Shows how strong you are!!! :)

  9. bookieboo says:

    I actually love snakes so I'll bring some to NYC next time I go and ring on your doorbell. I'll make sure it's a BIG one. LOL

  10. Krista Swan says:

    OMG, how scary!!

  11. @AndreaEmilien says:

    Wow – that bridge is something else. Scary!!!

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