Negative 26 Bottles of….Mom!

     *Warning this post is not about weight loss and does contain some abrasive language.

     Some people are afraid of spiders, some people are afraid of snakes, I am deathly afraid of bridges.  Put me on a bridge that goes into an underwater tunnel and it isn’t a pretty site.  Have you ever had a panic attack while driving?

     Our drive to New York had me going over several bridges, my plan of action is to drive in a center lane. That way the water isn’t usually in my view.  Deep breathing and just focusing on the car in front of me, can usually keep me from panicking.  At dinner I told my husband that I was proud of myself for making it over the bridges while driving (we were both driving our own cars).  He asked if I knew about the bridge coming up.  That should have been my first warning.  Damn him!  I am pretty sure he just wanted to experience this bridge, which is why we didn’t go through DC.

     Not to much later I found myself at a toll booth, ahead of my husband.  Actually, he was behind me because the silly man went to an e-pass lane and had to back up.  The sign said bridge tunnel $12!  Seriously, they made me pay to face a huge fear.  With shaky hands I gave the toll man my money and asked how bad the bridge was, as well as if I could pull aside and wait for my husband.  Apparently he got the feeling that I was not okay with this.  He even asked my husband if I was okay to drive.  Guess I don’t hide panic very well.

     Not seeing water is very difficult on this bridge.  All I knew was that having a full on panic attack was not an option.  If at all possible I wanted to avoid scarring two of my children for life.  So, what is a mom forced to face her fear do?  She starts to sing a song to distract her brain.  We started with, “If you are happy and you know it,” however, I was stumped as how to stomp my feet and drive at the same time.  Thus that lasted only two verses.  Then it clicked, what is one song that can keep going on and on, one that would be easy for the kids to pick up on and sing with instead of pointing out to sea?  99 bottles of beer on the wall!  Yes, that was what we needed.  Zack questioned my choice in songs as he didn’t think a seven year old should sing about beer.  My little copilot, Felicia, quickly hushed him and said just sing really loud.

     Facing a fear is not easy.  I thought that going in the tunnel would be easier on me.  Um no!  Knowing that I was now under the water that the bridge was over made me want to panic even more.  I am pretty sure that sh!t and f&^% came out of my mouth.  Followed quickly by a deep breath and on to the next slow round of our song.  Slow because I needed to keep breathing or we might have to stop and get someone else to drive us.  Hell, I would probably have needed to be sedated if it was light out.  We reached negative 26 bottles of beer on the wall by the time we were on land.

     It took amount for me to realize that we were on solid land, a good hour before my heart stopped feeling as though it would jump out of my chest.  Felicia thought that “handing out” all that beer is exhausting and vowed not to be a bartender.  Zachary thanked God that we made it out alive (I am pretty sure he lost all confidence that I could drive over a bridge).  Once my thoughts were in order, all I could think was my ass of a husband made me pay $12 to almost have a panic attack and scare the crap out of our kids.

     He is afraid of snakes, does anyone have some I can borrow?

*The pictures are two views of the bridge tunnel.  It is a series of three bridges and two tunnel that span 23 miles. Just looking at those pictures makes my heart race. Seriously, who has some snakes I can put in my husband’s car?